A List of Best Me Words

I making Josie a new Best Me poster today. We have been working on figuring out which words will go on there as her reminders. Here's the list after much thought and discussion and sort of what you can "cover" under each adjective.

Hip - anything she is good at that makes her feel successful! Easy ways to fit in with peers, Any time her inner style shines through in positive ways, This is our catch all and surely Josie's favorite, but the hardest to explain! : )

Friendly - positive social interactions, empathy, perspective taking

Helpful - empathy, taking responsibility around the house

Engaged - we use a lot for focus, conversation skills, executive function stuff

Independent - solving problems, dealing with frustration without adult intervention, self help skills, taking initiative

In Control - positive behaviors especially when confornted with frustration or disappointment, dealing with anxiety

So that's our list. My goal for the summer is to use these words very consistently and to really develop this into our vocabulary as wonderful Josie grows up and becomes her own advocate!

I'll scan the sign soon. Need to figure out how to set up scanner to new computer! ; )

Birthday Party!

Wahoo! We had a very sucessful birthday party experience today, which included swimming, a bounce house, a horse, and a pinata! (I know, ambituous mom, right!)

I spent the last few days reviewing birthday party "rules," and it worked out great. Should have thought more about the pinata though! Anyway, I think it will be worth creating a little "pre-birthday party fun sheet." Look for it soon!

Positive Reinforcement

This is really the name of the game for us. Josie is learning so many behaviors that I'm sure it must seem overwhelming. She loves to do a good job, and we try to find lots of ways to praise her - and if they fit the "hip and girly" brand all the better.

One thing we added recently we call merit badges. Basically these are funky colorful cutouts upon which we write desired behaviors or goals. We leave som blank for the many occassions she surprises us with some great display of being hip and friendly (and well behaved.) Recent badges include "Awesome Effort," "Doing Buttons," and "Great Homework Attitude." For some really great accomplishments we have even taken pictures and posted them on her board. That visual reinforcement is awesome!

Books for Connecting the Lessons

With so much focus on helping Josie find words and strategies to help herself, we don't really want her getting too focused on herself. And basically, we think the stuff she learns will be more meaningful if she connects it to the bigger picture - to our spiritual values really. Here are some books that have really helped us do that. BTW, I am not suggesting anyone adopt our sprititual values - just connect what you are doing with your kids to what is bigger in your life. Anyway, here's my short list!

The Seven Spiritual Laws for Parents - Deepak Chopra
Incredible You - Wayne Dyer
Have You Filled a Bucket Today - Carol McCloud

Love these. They make us all feel great!

Lucky 12

Lucky 12 is a game we invented to help introduce and remind Josie about different rules in various social situations. Basically, we take twelve index cards and write six of them with an appropriate behavior and six with the opposite. I try to make the opposites funny and obviously wrong because Josie has a great sense of humor.

We did this last night before her birthday party. One card said, "Wait patiently for present opening time and don't mention it until after everyone has had dinner." The opposite says "Whine and cry and say 'Give me presents right now.'"

Josie goes through each card and says whether it's a good idea or a bad idea. If it's a bad idea, she thinks of a better one. For a reward, we use a blank chart, and Josie gets to draw a picture in each square. We are lucky that she likes this so much! I think stickers in a chart would work great or any other small reward.

Other versions have included Visiting Someone's House, Playing with Younger Kids, Going to a Performance. You get the idea I'm sure!

Where Did Best Me Come From?

Now that I have one "follower" - thanks Amanda - I figure I better this really going. After Josie was diagnosed with Aspergers and we learned a lot about it, we realized we would have to teach her many of the things (social skills especially) that we had previously just figured she would catch on to over time.

What we didn't want is for Josie to get the idea that we wanted to change her or make her conform and be someone she just isn't. So we introduced the idea that learning skills just makes you the best you can be. Pretty abstract for a six year old, so I thought I would "brand" it. I have been interested in the power of branding in motivating learning for a couple of years now. (See my Writing Rocks activities at www.chipwithrow.com)

Together, Josie and I came up with the name "Best Me." I drew a little stick figure of a girl and wrote down our first goals on a white board. The brand evolved from there capitalzing on Josie's newfound desire to be "girly and hip." Her words. I repeatedly added the word friendly to those, trying to really solidify that association.

So that's kind of the basics of where we started. It's been such a tremdous success - with lots of other factors contributing as well. Josie really owns the words "Best Me" now and uses them independently to refer to anything she finds that can be used for self-improvement. Like "Mom, Tinkerbell (the movie) is kind of Best Me because she learns how to be happy with herself and make friends."

Being Prepared

I am always trying to think ahead and see the next day through Josie's eyes, so I can help her prepare with anything that might be difficult. For example, "There is a fire truck coming to your school tomorrow, but there's no fire. You are going to learn about what firefighters do."

Not that you can anticipate everything, but it helps tremendously. Well a few days ago, I had a nice reminder about making assumptions. Josie's class was taking a bus on a field trip to the high school. I told her she would see older kids, and they were ok to talk to. She would have a different schedule, eat lunch later, etc. I told her the bus might not have seatbelts, a potential big issue. Then I thought, "Should I say something about choosing seats on the bus?" No way would the teacher have first graders choose their own seat mates, I thought.

Wrong. And sure enough I got a note home that Josie had two "challenges" that day - both related to choosing seats on the bus.

So you can't think of everything, but next time I do think of something, I won't assume it couldn't be!