Books for Connecting the Lessons

With so much focus on helping Josie find words and strategies to help herself, we don't really want her getting too focused on herself. And basically, we think the stuff she learns will be more meaningful if she connects it to the bigger picture - to our spiritual values really. Here are some books that have really helped us do that. BTW, I am not suggesting anyone adopt our sprititual values - just connect what you are doing with your kids to what is bigger in your life. Anyway, here's my short list!

The Seven Spiritual Laws for Parents - Deepak Chopra
Incredible You - Wayne Dyer
Have You Filled a Bucket Today - Carol McCloud

Love these. They make us all feel great!

Lucky 12

Lucky 12 is a game we invented to help introduce and remind Josie about different rules in various social situations. Basically, we take twelve index cards and write six of them with an appropriate behavior and six with the opposite. I try to make the opposites funny and obviously wrong because Josie has a great sense of humor.

We did this last night before her birthday party. One card said, "Wait patiently for present opening time and don't mention it until after everyone has had dinner." The opposite says "Whine and cry and say 'Give me presents right now.'"

Josie goes through each card and says whether it's a good idea or a bad idea. If it's a bad idea, she thinks of a better one. For a reward, we use a blank chart, and Josie gets to draw a picture in each square. We are lucky that she likes this so much! I think stickers in a chart would work great or any other small reward.

Other versions have included Visiting Someone's House, Playing with Younger Kids, Going to a Performance. You get the idea I'm sure!

Where Did Best Me Come From?

Now that I have one "follower" - thanks Amanda - I figure I better this really going. After Josie was diagnosed with Aspergers and we learned a lot about it, we realized we would have to teach her many of the things (social skills especially) that we had previously just figured she would catch on to over time.

What we didn't want is for Josie to get the idea that we wanted to change her or make her conform and be someone she just isn't. So we introduced the idea that learning skills just makes you the best you can be. Pretty abstract for a six year old, so I thought I would "brand" it. I have been interested in the power of branding in motivating learning for a couple of years now. (See my Writing Rocks activities at www.chipwithrow.com)

Together, Josie and I came up with the name "Best Me." I drew a little stick figure of a girl and wrote down our first goals on a white board. The brand evolved from there capitalzing on Josie's newfound desire to be "girly and hip." Her words. I repeatedly added the word friendly to those, trying to really solidify that association.

So that's kind of the basics of where we started. It's been such a tremdous success - with lots of other factors contributing as well. Josie really owns the words "Best Me" now and uses them independently to refer to anything she finds that can be used for self-improvement. Like "Mom, Tinkerbell (the movie) is kind of Best Me because she learns how to be happy with herself and make friends."

Being Prepared

I am always trying to think ahead and see the next day through Josie's eyes, so I can help her prepare with anything that might be difficult. For example, "There is a fire truck coming to your school tomorrow, but there's no fire. You are going to learn about what firefighters do."

Not that you can anticipate everything, but it helps tremendously. Well a few days ago, I had a nice reminder about making assumptions. Josie's class was taking a bus on a field trip to the high school. I told her she would see older kids, and they were ok to talk to. She would have a different schedule, eat lunch later, etc. I told her the bus might not have seatbelts, a potential big issue. Then I thought, "Should I say something about choosing seats on the bus?" No way would the teacher have first graders choose their own seat mates, I thought.

Wrong. And sure enough I got a note home that Josie had two "challenges" that day - both related to choosing seats on the bus.

So you can't think of everything, but next time I do think of something, I won't assume it couldn't be!